You may or may not have noticed but there is a new kind of woman being born. She is the kind of woman who creates her own life outside of societies expectation of what a woman’s role is based on hundreds of years in history. She is not afraid to experience or do life alone. When she allows you in, its because you add to her life, not because you complete it.
As young girls we are taught to be caretakers, that our lives will be formed based by the man we marry. I was taught growing up that if a girl wasn’t married by the time she is 40 then she is an “old maid”. For the girls growing up in my generation an old maid was a vision of a lonely old woman stumped over, wrinkled with grey hair and holding a cane. The girls I grew up around had hope chests to fill by the time they were thirteen in order to prepare for the big day when they would be married. From a young age marriage was our goal, look at Disney’s fairytales… all about getting married and living happily ever after.
I have long passed 40 and can honestly say I was and am far from looking or feeling anything like an “old maid”. There were four men in my life previous to 40 who asked me to be their bride. With the exception of one, turning over my life to be controled by another just was not in my cards. Marrying these men would mean me conforming to who they expected me to be, living a life supporting their dreams. The caretaker, following their lives and dreams, doing what I am expected and ignoring my own ambitions.
Now I have nothing against marriage, I do know of some amazing couples who fully represent what committing to another is. Two souls who are meant to live out a full life together. They work through the storms and face challenges instead of running away. I am human and at times I do crave companionship or to be touched in a loving way, but at what cost. Thank goodness for those friends who love giving hugs.
I do not feel the current man has caught up to this new woman, nor do I believe they know how to see us as independant beings. The ability to see women as fully being capable of taking care of themselves is just begining to be learned yet still being fought. We choose you because we want you in our life, you bring something to the table, excitement or a new energy. We do not need you to complete or take care of us, you are merely an addition to our already complete happy life. We do not want to take care of you, nor do we desire to fix your problems.
Women are by nature emotional beings and men often mistake our emotions expressed to mean more than what they do based on a womans learned nature to be needed, to become a part of a relationship and eventually marriage. Speaking as a woman who has been single, never married and 51, I love my independence. You gotta be pretty amazing for me to give that up, I have dreams that are yet to be fulfilled. I have no interest in cooking you dinner every night, washing your clothes, cleaning the house or having sex only when you want it. There is a difference between obligation and wanting to. I have the freedom to be in charge of my own life, how I live it, where I go and what I do. It is hard to think about giving up.
For so long a young girl is groomed to grow up and take care of her man and family. Those times are changing, especially as women gain more freedom to choose a career instead of family life. Whether you see it or not this is a growing trend and feel it is time we wake up to this fact. Men are no longer the priority nor does the world solely revolve around them. Women deserve the same rights, support and pleasures from life that a man has.
Do not make a woman feel bad or wrong because she is single. See her for the powerhouse she is and her ability to take care of herself. Know it is a strength and not a weakness.
Recognize the woman who wants you in her life to bare her secrets to, a friend, an equal. You are with her because she wants you there. You add to her life instead of taking away from it.
See the strength of a woman who does not need you. A woman who that is fully able and happy to live life alone in her space. Appreciate her honesty and ability to share her emotions. Hear her.
Single independant woman making the choice not to be married or tied down are a growing population. It is becoming more and more common for a woman to choose to be single. I have so met many woman who are regaining control, embracing a solo life full of experience and adventure, I think you are all amazing and know you are not alone. There is a growing tribe of us, especially amongst the younger generation. Support these girls and their choices. Life is not about having a man to complete you, not any more.