The In-Between- Time of Transformation

I am almost twelve years into living the life of a cooking gypsy, scared as hell but ready to pursue my soul passion. Life is currently forcing me to slow down and reflect on decisions that have been made and why. I am being put in a place where I am forced to face myself, my demons and the ultimate dream to start living my soul passion.

I have accepted my boss not renewing my work permit  because he felt if he did, I would stay comfortable and not pursue my dreams. I have accepted my choice not to go into business with a friend, seeing that by doing so I was remaining on the current path and my passion set aside once again. I have accepted I became obsessed with a relationship in seeking validation, yet grateful for all the lessons it taught me and the path I was put on because of it. I have chosen to stay put rather than run, believing happiness and fulfillment will be found in another location. Faith is giving me the strength to be positive and know life will work out as it needs to as long as I believe in myself. Power in appreciating this is all a part of the process.

This is not the first time on this journey since leaving in 2007 that I have found myself in such a position. It is often in these times I discover the blessings of this moment: the knowing that “this to shall pass”: to recognize I am stronger and more prepared for what lies ahead of me: to realize some people are in your life for a season and when they have fulfilled the reason, their season is done, you must let them go: to notice and have gratitude for those there no matter what and to also be grateful for the adventure leading to this present moment.

I am not going to lie, this is hard. There are days I just want to get lost in the television and get lost in the nonsense. Other days I question what I am doing: I think of giving up the hope of fulfilling my dreams, right here, right now, where I am at: I struggle with feeling alone in the time needed to cultivate my soul passion: I fight wanting to take control and allowing life to happen.

It is hard to let go of that control and hand life over. It is so much easier to make the easy choices, to know the outcome and have the comfort of stability. The problem is, eventually you are going to find yourself back in the same the place, whether it’s a month, a year or two years from now. That thing that is inside you, that thing that sets your mind on fire will always be there. It will come up each time you transition and continue to make safe choices. Come hell or high water and I have no idea how, but this time around…. I refuse to play it safe: I refuse to be comfortable: I refuse anyone who is not a positive cultivating force in my life and anything that attempts to take me off my path. I refuse to allow negative thoughts and patterns to continue to be a part of my life in order to create positive change. Stay tuned.

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