It is amazing how one can go from feeling so positive about life and where it is going only to have it turn around in a matter of moments. I am not sure about anyone else but the person perceived by others of me is so different from the me I perceive myself to be. For the past 8 months or so I appear to be on this downward spiral of life, one I am only aware of. There is no other person who spends as much time with me as me. Shit, we are taught to present the best of us to those we meet, so how can anyone really know unless you tell them.
Over time you become a pro at presenting this person you want people to believe you are. Only when alone does your real self come into play. It is easy to get comfortable in the crutches you use to survive, which includes finding comfort in the confines of the 4 walls you call home. People on the outside think because I live in a place that appears to be paradise that I don’t have bad days, weeks or months for that matter. Life is life.
I have been and I am working hard towards living my inner passion. The thing that makes me excited and sets my soul on fire. Unfortunately often times I step in my own way, taking a different path because I think it might be easier or get me there faster. Oh wait, it is possible to I am standing in my own way? Afraid of the success that I know when and if cultivated, lies ahead of me. I have wanted to teach people how to eat for as long as I can remember. I have notes jotted down in many notebooks about my dreams of teaching people how to feed their bodies. It’s not knowledge I went to school for, I educated myself through my own body, through reading books, watching educational videos, by watching people and their habits. I cannot explain at times where my knowledge comes from, yet the words just flow. Yet I have failed to make this dream a reality. I keep jumping off the path in a different direction.
Obstacles come and obstacles go, it is all in what you do with them and what you choose to learn from the situation. If you choose not to learn, than the situation only tends to repeat itself in a different way and sometimes worse than if you had chosen to learn from it the first time. One of those wake up calls on this journey called life. Only when you get really uncomfortable with the way things are, does real change have a chance to even begin. We as humans like our lives to be as comfortable as can be, change scares people. Makes you wonder if you can succeed better than you are now, if you will be able to find that thing that makes you excited to wake up and get to work everyday. I have experienced change in my life many times and survived, yet it still scares me. Especially the change that I know will set my world and life on fire. The change that will make my dreams come true…. That change is believing in myself to the core, not allowing doubt or insecurities to question me moving forward, to find my voice and not be afraid to scream at the top of my lungs. At the end of the day, it is up to me, no one else but me and my faith in God, Spirit and the Universe.