This is my journey with food and how I got to where I am today… Some of this information is harsh, though I am trying to keep it on the light side. I think it is important for people to understand where I have come from to where I am now.
It is said that as a child my mother always had to carry an extra set of clothes, for after almost every meal I would throw up. I know this to be true cause from what memories I do have I did spit up often after my meals, it was really gross, but also made it very easy for me to be a bulimic later when I got older.
The earliest memories of my eating disorders are in kindergarten when I used to steal snacks from the kids lunch boxes and then gorge on them in the bathroom. I am not sure in what grades, but there was also times I ate all the candy from Brownie/GirlScout sales or from fundraisers for school. Once I began to hit puberty and gain weight bulimia stepped into the picture, especially when I realized I already had the reflexes to throw up without sticking my fingers down my throat. It wasn’t until I was 18 I played with the anorexic route and again at the age of 26, in which I was going through extensive therapy and an outpatient of an eating disorder clinic. I was also on a few antidepressants at the time. The drug ephedrine/ephedra was easily accessible at the time over the counter, I used it to keep me from eating.
I am not sure when the eczema began, but I remember it being an issue in gym once I started Jr/Sr High School. Especially when my hands were in full breakouts, like my hands encrusted with dried up blood and puss. At times it would attack other parts of my body as well and would leave me ashamed and embarrassed. It was bad enough I also had sweaty hands nobody wanted to touch cause I suffer from hyperhydrosis as well. It is a condition that causes you to sweat a lot and not just your hands, but your feet, your private parts, armpits, the back of your legs, under your breast, my face and forehead. No warning as to when an episode of severe sweating will hit.
Somewhere along the way I also began with yeast infections and cold sores. I would guess somewhere in my mid teens. Once I started working full-time after my pregnancy it wasn’t long before I experienced symptoms of carpel tunnel and rheumatoid arthritis, as well as severe back pain. I even frequented a chiropractor for relief. Around 28-29 I would visit several doctors as they tried to figure out what was wrong. None of my tests were conclusive, yet they had me on Vioxx to help alleviate the pain. Which I might add is no longer on the market.
Before getting pregnant at the age of 19 I was between 135-140 lbs. I weighed myself daily. It wasn’t until 3 months in I realized I was pregnant. I ballooned to a whopping 245 pounds during my pregnancy as I also suffered from toxemia. I left the hospital 9 days after having my daughter weighing 210 pounds. From the time I had her till I took control of my eating habits my weight was as low as 138 pounds and as high as 189. I did many diets, even clinical ones, where they give you pills to make you less hungry. Loved those!!!
The first time I was put on antidepressants was when I was 20 years old. I figured out I had an eating disorder and was also dealing with symptoms of depression and PTSD. I knew I needed help. I was molested as a child by various family members and friends of the family. Passes were often made to me by men who shouldn’t be touching me at all including rape. I was bullied all 13 of my school years. I grew up in a home where the man who raised me controlled everything, including how much and what we ate, how fast we ate, even got speeches before going to guests home and would be kicked under the table during the meal and then punished again later if we did something out of line. He was not a very nice man.
At the age of 31, I got tired of being a guinea pig to the doctors. I was not willing to accept I would be in pain and have to take Vioxx for the rest of my life or that I was chemically imbalanced and would need to also be on Paxill forever as well. I wanted to be fixed not treated. I walked into a health food store and had my finger pricked for blood by the woman who ran the store. She asked me a series of questions and then proceeded to do a reading of my blood. I walked out of there questioning the $315 I had just spent for the reading, supplements and a detox program I would have to do for 3 months….
Now the real story begins…
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