My daughter has come to visit me with a friend and has been here for the past week. My apologies for getting off track and not posting while she was here. My time was limited and as I also had to work while she was here, so when I was off she got my full attention.
At nineteen, I became pregnant while in the middle of creating a modeling career. Against the advice of others who wanted me to abort her I decided to keep her, knowing deep in my heart I could not handle any other choice. I tried to stay with her father, but he was abusive and only in love with the model I was and not me. I gained over 100 pounds during my pregnancy and weighed 200lbs when I left the hospital. Can you imagine what that did to me? The model? The bulemic/anorexic/compulsive eater. Yes, I have recovered from my eating disorders. Clean since 29, with a few episodes scattered about, nothing serious though. I can’t even barf if I have food poisoning, drunk or any other reason. I hold it back. This is a part of my story.
Why am I telling you this? The choice to have my daughter is the reason I am alive today and the purpose for my choice to work in the food and beverage industry. As well as is my skills, my love of food, a good palate and my natural talent is my blessing. It has all lead me to where I am today. I was a latch-key kid growing up, therefore responsible for cooking the family meals. I also did a lot of babysitting and cooked for the children I was caring for. Some of my first jobs, outside of modeling, were in sandwich shops and the deli my mother worked at. At the age of 15 I was making muffins, cooking and salads from scratch for the upper class of East Greenwich. They had no idea. I still use some of those recipes today. I will share after this post.
I never strived to be a cook or a baker but I happened to be good at it. No explanation as to why. Mom says as a child I sat on the floor and fed the news casters at night on TV. Also claims she had to lock the cupboards because I would pull all the pans out. Later after becoming pregnant with my daughter, it became my career. I was good at it and people loved what I did. It was a job I could do and still be a Mom to my baby girl.
This last visit with my daughter was a big lesson for me in the way I see how confident my daughter is in her own skin. How much she accepts who she is and what she represents. My daughter is about a size 18 or so. She is also gay. I am currently a size 8 and straight. I have no difficulty with her being gay, people do not choose how they are born. I do struggle with her weight in regards to her health and overall well-being. She is so confident in herself, no problem with me posting photos of her in her swimsuit online. Me on the other hand is completely mortified by the way I look and embarrassed because I lack the confidence she so exudes. Amazing how she still teaches me some of lifes most precious lessons.